What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do a black man and a bench have in common? The black man can sit in the bench.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

johnny goes to the shops asks the lady at the counter, can i go home The Lady says ..... Buy one get one free

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Friends are like potato, when you eat them die.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a cow? Trick question—cows eat carrots!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man went to the doctor and told him he was having the strangest dream. "First I was a tee pee Then I was a wigwam A tee pee, a wigwam. Do you have any idea what could be wrong?" The doctor looked at the man and said "You have aids."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was Luke named Luke Skywalker? Because he walks to skies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the jockey.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you cross a RPG with a cell phone? A microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a black priest? Holy shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the husband and wifes marriage fail? The husband slept with many other women and is putting his family through a hellacious situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of shit. I don't have a pile of shit in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poems, Show me your tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call an animal with 4 legs ? A dog...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead, ok!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Against city ordinates, an old woman was keeping chickens in her suburban back yard. One escaped, and there was no where else to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

karn chevalier

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Mice don't have the strength required to do that.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's 9 + 10 19 AB

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops