A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

Why was Uncle Monty's head damn tasty? Because he shoved it up a horses arse when it needed a shit.

How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

My friend was driving me home from a party, and was quite drunk. I was relieved that we did not get into a car crash.

Q. What is a similarly between Jewa and Pizza. A. There both baked in a over

Why is Harry Potter fake Because its a movie

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

Why did the grandma stop baking cookies? Because she is an aging widow suffering from depression because her family seems to forget her existance as she barely lives day by day wilting in her 1 bedroom home.

Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

A: go away. B: No i won't A: Shutup B: Yes i will not go away A: again, shutup B: I left A: Thank you B: Your welcom A: Thank you for saying your welcome B: Thank you for saying thank you that i'm welcome A: Thank you for saying thank you for saying that I thank you that you're welcome.

Q: Why was it bad to be a black jew during the Holocaust? A: You had to sit at the back of the gas chamber

Roses are red Violets are blue If you need a poo.... ...hold it in.

the awkward moment when a sentence doesnt end the way you think it octopus

A black man has a woman up against a wall, and she is screaming. they are passionate lovers and he is pleasing her greatly.

what is red, yellow, green, blue, purple, and violet? Blood i lied about the other colors...

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a PS3? Michael was a succesful dancer, singer-songwriter, musician, and philanthropist, whereas a PS3 is a games console.

why did the girl die. because she was bullied and abused everyday by her family and friends. she was homeless and was forced to drop a bomb on her own forest. there fore she stabbed herself.

Why did the man eat the apple? He had just witnessed a cow butchering and decided to become a vegitarian the moment he got home. He now lives in 1st degree depression because of what he saw 2 hours ago.

Knock Knock. (No answer) Knocker: " I guess the resident of this home isn't home at this hour."

What does a fish and a truck have in common? Nothing. One is a fish & one is a truck.

Why did the Chef go to jail? He killed his wife.

Why did the black man have no toes? Because during his climb of Everest, he got frostbite and they had to be amputated.

A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...