John Cena for president

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the floor. How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail the other one to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why isn't the dog a rebublican? Because it's a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did anna stop wanting to build a snowman? Beacuse she died of cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the black man jump out of the plane? He was going on a parachute dive with his friend.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Who's there? Chris. Chris who? Wow, I thought we were better friends than that.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I don't have friends, so I'm anti-social.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a Gay leprechaun? A homosexual ginger man with a pretty green outfit.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than the holocaust? Two holocausts.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? For no specific reason, Chickens don't think much.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A dog walked into a bar. He was a trained seeing-eye dog leading a man who had been blind since a tragic industrial accident a year before.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Evil Witch: Hey Snow White, want an apple. Snow White: No thank you, I just ate, I'm good. Evil Witch: But its good! Snow White: No thanks, I'm good! Evil Witch: Ill put caramel on it!! Snow White: NO THANKS! Evil Witch: FINE!! The Evil Witch then pulled out an AK - 47 and violently murdered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the American man say to his brother right before his brother's wedding? You should not get married because most likely your marriage will end in a horrible divorice, which will ruin the rest of your pathetic life.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops