Me: "Dad! Can you make me a sandwich?" Dad: "Poof! You are now a sandwich."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what did eminem say to dr.dre? nothing u idoits dr.dres dead he is locked in my basement

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you confuse a black man? Paint him white.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock Who's there? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +15

as i unscrewed my belly button and suddenly my butt fell off

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the man float in the lake? Because he had more fat than average, so he was very buoyant

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I see, said the deaf man to the blind guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between red hair and black hair? Redheads vs. blackheads

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why do they call it history? Women didn't do shit

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why are black people faster than white people? They are descended from a lineage where athleticism was more greatly selected for in the evolutionary process.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the frog say to the beautiful sleeping princess? Ribbit

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the painter cry? he didnt have any paint left...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats white and gooy liguid goop

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a black guy who flies an airplane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

No, but it was a nice chance to pretend to, that was the scheme part I might have mentioned, people never figure out that you are fucking them over at the present, if you tell them you fucked them off in the past, they start thinking backwards, often ignoring those tiny details straight in front of them. Listen, call me a bit paranoid, but who the hell is Septimus and AzureDragon or whatever the fuck his little geek name was?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the best thing to say to a deaf person? Nothing. They are hearing impaired and won't hear you.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the chicken cross the road? to give a doctor the cure for cancer but some ass hole ran him over

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you say when Obama gets shot? Some finaly had enough balls to shoot a black person. N.P.P.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops