How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: What did the doctor say to his wife? A: Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call Mexicans who go to jail? Criminals.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

my own dog bit my penis off, it was then put down. it was the worst day of my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the McCann's parent's leave the window's and doors open? Because Portugal is a very hot climate, And they expected the place they were staying to be safe as lot's of tourist's stay there throughout the year.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There's nothing more natural than the coals under the fire...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I see London, I see France. Wow! This high-speed train that travels across Europe is amazing!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do midgets laugh when they run? The grass tickles their balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats included in over 90% of all car crashes? A Car

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't Bobby attend his friends wedding? He was struck by lightning. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Bobby

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops