Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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* How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? * He just need to go to the Register Office and change his name to "a man"

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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A man walks into a bar and shuffles his way through the intoxicated patrons. He finds the only open stool and quickly sits in it before any other see it. The bartender approaches him and ask: "What will it be?" The man replies: "Can I have a beer?"

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If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris now has $10.

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Why did the black man fall down? A guy pushed him.

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Why was the boy sad? because the serotonin level in his brain was significantly lower than normal.

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What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

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If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

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Why don't women have breasts? Because they have dandruff. Get it? Hint: "dandruff" = "dan druff"

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Nancy Kerrigan walks into a club

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Q. What did the Muffins say to the man? A. Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects therefore unable to speak.

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Why is the interesting goat so talented at chess? He's Bobby Fischer's dad.

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What is worse then losing your remote? Falling off a cliff landing on a sharp rock and dying slowly.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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Q: What do you call a dog driving a car? A: A dog driving a car.

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Did you know him? Why the anonymous tip?

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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yo mama soooooooooooo fat that she should be concerned of the incressed risk of dibties

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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what's worse, ten babies stapled to a tree or one baby stapled to ten trees?

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knock knock, who's there me me who he opens the door a kills yo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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