What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow

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What did the statue say to the other statue? stat-you?

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What do you call a mouse having sex? A spouse.

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What's worse than missing your flight? 9/11

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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How did the Mexican got into the USA? Trough the border.

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, the farmer was arrested for having sex with a chicken.

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Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because sally was morbidly obese and uprooted the tree from underneath her subsequently causing her to splash violently on the ground. Why didn't sally get back up? Because the splash caused the earth to spin at 40000 rpm into the sun.

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What did the child say to the clown? For a professional entertainer, you're not that funny.

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you go up your hole down your hole between your hole and you rock and roll

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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your mother is so heavily obese, she became one of the 60 million individuals in America who are obese today.

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why is your grandfather climbing up a pole? hes not

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Can Anti-Jokes censor curse-word tenses? Fuck Fucking Fucked Fucks

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Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

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what's black and hangs from a tree in my garden? a blackberry

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Question to make it sound like a racist joke? Politically correct answer that should not offend anyone.

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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