How do you get a blonde's number? You ask her, but she probably won't give it to a loser like you.

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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what do You call a white man killing a black man? a accident

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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Why couldn't the woman give her sister a present? Because she just got eaten by zombies.

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What did the black boy wear for Halloween? A costume.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

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I stabbed a person. No seriously, I just stabbed them. There's no punchline. Just Just Stab wounds.

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Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

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What did the fish say when he hit the wall? A. Dam B. He Charlie I found the wall C. Both Well he didn't say both but he could have said A or B but it wouldn't make sense for him to say both.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

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Where did tommy go during the bomb? Everywhere. he was a cripple and couldnt make it to the bomb shelter.

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What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

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Hay is for horses and other hay consuming mammals.

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What is the sun's favorite day of the week? The sun is a mass of incadescent gas and cannot feel emotions; therefore, it cannot have a favorite day of the week.

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Modern math questions: If I have 9 apples and you have 12 ice cubes, his many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

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What did the orange say to the apple? “To be sentient is truly unbearable without sexual organs.”

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Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

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Your mumma's so fat she is fat

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Why wouldn't Julius Caesar like olives on his pizza? Because he's dead.

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Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Why the long face?' The horse replies 'I've got AIDS.'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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