To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

a black guy walks into a bar and sits next to a white guy. White guy: "I don't like your kind here". Black guy: "what kind wound that be"? White guy: "the colored kind". The black guy turns away then looks back at the white guy and says", When I'm born I'm black, when I die I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, and when I'm sick I'm black. You ( to the white guy ) when your born your pink, when you die your blue, when your cold your purple, and when your sick your green and your calling me colored???

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do u when life gives u lemons? U put them in your iced tea.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.... Knock, Knock, Who's there?: Not Sarah

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A horse walked into a bar. The bar was part of the fence he was enclosed by.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the homeless man buy with a dollar? Nothing. He didn't have a dollar.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is actually a really good question which leads me to wonder why the farmer let the chicken out in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Adam eats ginger nuts the fookin chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

i'm hard

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is the worst party ever? Nazi.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless he's short. Then, he'll need a friend to hold the ladder for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops