roses are red violets are blue i have 5 fingers the middle ones for you.

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what comes in a can ? Beans Where do beans come from ? Cans

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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At the Asthma hotline. Caller: Aahhh aahhh *gasp* *gasp* I need you... Woman: *slams phone* DAMN I WISH THESE PERVERTS WOULD STOP CALLING!

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You want some cake? Sure! Okay, go buy the ingridients and bake me some. YAY!

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…What did you put in the drink that made me fart, and kill my horse?

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What do you call it when a multiple personality disorder person masturbates? Rape.

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Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

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A priest, a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the three, laughs and says "Please leave now, God is dead"

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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What's worse than seeing another antijoke with "The Holocaust" punchline repeated? The Holocaust.

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im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

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why didnt the old man go to his sons birthday he died.........nah i lied he went went

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why do you kill people in call of duty you don't you kill computer made figures

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Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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Read a Book.

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What did the parents say to their kid? You're adopted and we don't love you.

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My mom

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why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom T H E R E ' R E A L L D E A D!!!

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You've got more chins than a Chinese... Girl with a lot of chins, because she's so fat

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Why is is afraid of seven? Because seven is a date rapist

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Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? Heehaw!

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Sammy bought 48 donuts. He ate 36. What was Sammy left with? Diabetes. Sammy was left with diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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