Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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Two construction workers are working on the final floor of what will soon be the worlds tallest building. The first turns to the other and says: "Hey tom can you throw me a three quarters hex wrench? i think my set is metric." the second guy turns around and says: "yea, here you go."

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a T-Rex? Humans are vertebrates belonging to the Mammalia class, chiefly a member of the species Homo sapiens; dinosaurs are chiefly terrestrial, herbivorous or carnivorous reptiles from the extinct orders Saurischia and Ornithischia.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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i know leaves are green because of chlorophyll but i don't know how to get a mortgage this is the kind if shit your parents pay for

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What did the homosexual community have last night? A protest for gay rights.

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What's long, black, and the tip is shaped like a mushroom? A mushroom.

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What's more disturbing than finding an apple in your worm? The fact that you're eating a worm.

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I see London. I see France. Show me your boobs.

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Did you hear about that anthony weiner guy. He is very depressed, and your mother has cancer.

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What did the prizon cell mate get for christmas. Herpes!

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How do you have gay sex? I don't know ask Jordan Braun

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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Q: how do you get a clown off a swing? A: You hit it with a axe

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Your mom's house is so old, that she has rats and other various critters such as spiders, gnats, and mosquitoes.

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This Irishman walked into a pub and then drank hard liquor for the next 3 hours.

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Why did the boy tell the fly to eat the cheese? A: because he wanted him to

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

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How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

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Why do asians get good grades? Because they study very hard and want to achieve success so they can provide for their families.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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Q. How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Who knows? It's dark!

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What's worse than tripping over your shoelace? Watching your mother get her tits cut off with a chainsaw then getting ripped apart and eaten alive by cannibals

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I put my baby in a microwave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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