How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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Yo mama so fat, her Patronus is a cake.

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

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A cow and a whale are swimming in the sea when they both realize this is Vietnam and they were really chimps

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When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

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whats the differnce between madalin macan and batman?...batman returns

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Roses are red,Violets are blue, Who the hell are you,Get the hell away

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A man walks into a store with a faulty washing machine. He provides a valid guarantee receipt at the customer service desk and it is replaced without an issue

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have fetal alcohol syndrome."

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What is frowned upon no matter what country you're in? Sex on a plane.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink Bartender: Why the long face Man: My wife was recently killed in a horrible car accident Bartender: Oh my god, I'm so sorry Man: Jks I have AIDS

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Wanna here a funny joke? Will is straight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hes gay

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What's worse than burning a candle. Burning the bible. -Juanita

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A man stumbles into a bar and yells, "Let's get wa-" and falls to the floor dead. The forensic scientists preform an autopsy and find that after 15 years of achoholism and depression caused his heart to stop beating. His family may have mourned his loss, if he had not left them penniless after killing his wife.

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What do you call a black guy doing community service? Someone who wanted to give back. Stop being racist.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: I didn't get to ask. He got hit by a car.

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You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth A: A brick

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Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

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A man says to a boy. I bet you I can jump over that mountain. The boy wins the bet because it is a physical impossibility to jump over a mountain.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops