What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's brown and smells like shit? An oddly shaped birthmark on a dirty homeless man

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why did the man beat his wife? why not?

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Cripples are lame.

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what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

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They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Depends on the polar bear and its dietary habits

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Whats green has 4 legs and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree??? A pool table.....

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Jehovas Witnesses: Summer vacation edition reality show: BItch: Do you know Jesus? Guy: Goddammit you A*Beep*SSHOLES again! I keep telling you all this is m0thertrucking Spain, I know like 500 Jesus`s living in this town alone! *slams door* Moral: Everybody knows at least something about the goddamn Jesus! Ill try asking "Is he the guy that lives downstairs?" Next time and see what happens.

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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there were two cyclists cycling down a main road in china at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace, one being chinese and the other irish. why did the irish man get stopped and the chinese man not? because the irish man had in fact raped and murdered a young child in his native home town and then fled the country to china.

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Knock Knock whose there your parents your parents who your parents just got malled by a hobo with an axe.

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What do you call a murderer who killed a black man. kkk

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac over off a cliff? A Cadillac seats 5

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What is the answer to life, universe and everything? Nothing.

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hey i just met you and this is crazy but here is my gun so get in the van

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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Knock Knock Who's There Not you... What? *Pulls out finger gun* *Screams BOOM!*

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Why were the police chasing the black man? Because he was in such a poor financial state that the bank foreclosed his house and now he has no source of income and therefore no way to purchase basic living requirements, so he was forced to steal in order to provide food for his family.

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When life gives you lemons you are like "how did I get these lemons?"

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time to spruce up!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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