Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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What did the the man, the dog, and the psychiatrist talk about? The man's childhood experience losing his pet as a contributer to his symptoms of psychosis.

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What is wrong with black stereotypes? Nothing! Basketball is pretty fun if you try it!

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To go home and beat his wife

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How do you confuse your algebra teacher? Tell her to prove that she exists.

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I don't understand what's so bad about a worm in your apple. Just get the proper software to clean it up, or even better, get a PC

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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Why did the child cry? His sister just left for college

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

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why were the niggas in paris? rhetorical question. everyone knows they aren't french

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The man said to his wife love hurts. the wife then progressed with punching in the face.

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How do you get a person to jump off a cliff? You push them.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Who Who who? Hoodini

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What do you call a popular rap and hip-hop artist? Tunde

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Wally.

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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Why doesn't superman eat peanuts? Because he doesn't like them.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Whats green and miss centowski hates a gas chamber :D lets be friends

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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? No seriously, I don't know because we've only just got electricity in our village.

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Whats black,white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops