So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

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What's black and white and red all over? I don't care I have AIDS

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What would a gay man do with a jelly doughnut? Thoroughly enjoy its fruity taste.

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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What do you call cheese that you don't own? Cheese.

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What's the difference between a convertible and a dead baby? One's in my garage, and one's a car.

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What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

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why did the boat crash? a tomato was driving

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if you are reading this your wasting your time

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How do you stop a plane? Land it.

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What do you call a house big enough to fit all the poor people in America? A fairly large establishment without quality standards.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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star wars kid

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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A Black Man Walks Into an Office For A Job Interview. The Meeting Goes Very And He Soon Has A Very Nice Steady Job.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why didn't little jimmy take out the trash? He is a rock

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One time i was sitting down

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Why couldn`t Sally open the jar? Because she did not have thumbs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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