If Jimmy in New York has 2 apples, and Tommy in Denver has 4 apples, what is the mass of the sun? 1.989E30 kg.

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How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Dogs don't have thumbs.

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What happens when you get your leg caught in an elevator door? Nothing. It is likely that the elevator has advanced sensory components that won't allow the door to close on your leg.

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Why couldn't the cat drink the milk? Because it had no face.

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Roses are blue Violets are polka dot I suck at rhyming Pandas

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why did the girl fall of her bike She had no arms

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The teacher asked her class "What is 42 + 17?" Several hands were flung into the air. "71!" said Billy excitedly. "No, I'm sorry that is incorrect." said the teacher. "67!" shouted Carl at the top of his lungs. "Incorrect!" said the teacher. Then little Johnny raised his hand. "The answer is 69" he said full of intellectual delight. "Very good." said the teacher.

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Like if you have a vagina. Also like if you have a dong. (Penis)

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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what did the robber say to lady gaga to get her in the car?get in the car or i shoot you i just want your money!!

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Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? Now he is dead..

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A man walks into a bar. Ow

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how many dead babies can you fit into a bath tub i dont know i didnt get the chance to fill it up yet

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Hello, can I order a cheeseburger?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Roses are red The grass is green I want you in my bed If you know what I mean.

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Why couldn't the girl call her boyfriend? Because she is homeless and can't afford to buy a phone.

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What did Batman say to Robin to get in the car? Get in the car.

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Why is a T-shirt like a topaz statue of the Archangel Gabriel? They both start with 'T'.

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Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability

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Why did Lucy drop her ice-cream ? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who is there ? NOT LUCY !

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How many chickens did Moses bring to the ark? 2

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics? Winning two gold medals.

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What's funny? Nick Sotelo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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