A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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your mother is so heavily obese, she became one of the 60 million individuals in America who are obese today.

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roses are red voilets are red bushes are red trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!!!!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mom. Mom who? SHUT THE F**K UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!!!

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A dinosaur is walking down the street. He is soon confronted by a human. The human says to the dinosaur, "Hey, your a dinosaur." Which the dinosaur replies with, "Yes, yes i am." The dinosaur then stands there for a few seconds wondering why he is in the same time period as the human. And as to why a dinosaur would talk.

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Why did little Suzan fall of the swing? She has no arms. Knock,Knock Who's there? Not Suzan

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What's gay and Jewish? Henry Shine

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Did you hear the one about the deaf guy and the rhinoceros? Neither did he.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.

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m

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Man U

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I'm going to rewrite history. History.

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what its name is.

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Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? DeShawn

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

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Why did the boy kill his parents? Because he doesn't understand this joke either

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Why did helen kellers dog committ suicide? You would to if you had massive clinical depression.

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A man walked into a bar. Too bad he didn't see it.The man was sent to the hospital 2 hours later when a friendly elderly lady found him badly wounded on the ground.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped from his farm and didn't understand the laws of jaywalking.

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what did John do to make the cold weather a little less irritating? well, being a homeless man, John did..... nothing.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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