Bride: "He went to Jared's!!! Ex: "But every Kiss Begins with Kay...."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Your mom is so ugly that she had self-esteem problems and severe depression as a teenager due to merciless bullying due to her looks, however she overcame this, found a man who loved her for who she was, and then married him. She now lives a happy life.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are blue Goodbye to the people who hated on me

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whats the best selling shampoo for children and family? gerrmany's shampoo german engineering. i'm not sure I get anti jokes wait you don't need engineering for soap? HITLER DID -audience- thats mean who else was mean? uhh Mao? Stalin? STDS? -audience- no HITERWAS MEAN wat happen to him he became the leader and fuher of germany and was onn world domination? no he died abullet and a pill died killed him oh god 11 million people died because of him and we make jokes about it -its ANITjokes okay? t make this S$75 any better doesn't revive the fallen -okay......... LOL I bet that soap was actually eaten before by actidneet -jesus shutup okay ok.. sorry man .. wait man? single person? but waht abut "audience" I guess I want a crowd as big as hitlers but all I get is my twisted autism - billy turner died from autism and arrested for practicing naziism in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Yes you better be sorry, I'm gonna suck my mums p e n i s tonight! - Dylan Hodge

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "whered you get the pig?" The guy says, "It's not a pig its a parrot." The bartender says, "i was talking to the parrot."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

There was a scientist that was doing a social experiment with mothers and their children. The name of first kid was named candy because it was her mothers favourite thing. The second kid name was rose because it was her mothers Favourite thing. The last mother knew what was happening and said to her son "Come on Dick".

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Mommy how come daddy went to the doctors today? Well sweetie, honestly daddy wanted me to shove things up his ass And I refused to so he went to the doctors so they can do it...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many sumo wrestlers does it take to lift a huge rock? The point of lifting a rock just to lift a rock is stupid, so why would you get 3 sumo wrestlers to come out and waste their time.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock knock. Who's there? Insurance. Insurance who? I'm sorry, sir; we can't fix your liver because you don't have any insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

have u been drinking cannabel soup because you........ahhhhh!!!!! why are you trying to eat me!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the black man cry and scream? It's anybody's guess. He was having a rough day.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the boy say to his dad when he realized he was gay? Dad, I'm gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What does Jason say when he rages on cod ? I hope your family gets slaughtered in front of him ..

thumb_up thumb_down -13

TOP KEK

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A guy dared his friend to jump off a bridge for 10 bucks. His friend, fearing for his life did not jump.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the second and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why couldnt the man dunk? because he was 3' 2" and a legal midget.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did they chicken cross the road? It didn't. A van ran it over when it was halfway across.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

100% of the people who go to school die. What about the people who don't go to school? They die too.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops