How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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What's the difference between an ant and a dinosaur? They are both birds, apart from the ant and the dinosaur

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That awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

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what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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a man walks into the doctors office and says DOCTOR!, DOCTOR! IT HURTS TO BEND MY LEG!!! the doctor replies then dont bend your leg and the mans great pain eventually heals

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I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNET! WELCOME TO FÅG! DIE X-FÅGGOT! XD Okay Fagneto`s roll me out of here, I am done with the super important last message to uh... You? No wait that sounds wrong, stop laughing you korean piece of... Seriously sorry I am drugged, you guys put enough valium in me to kill a cow, so please roll me out... I used to have a lot of korean friend you know, but then I killed them for being korea... seriously my fingers magically type shit when I am done, please roll me out of here, and fill that... Kundalini express? Is it me or did this get even more fagneto... Get me out of here now now now no

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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There was three women stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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A drunkard walked into a bar, and up to the bartender. He proceeded to **** the **** until he ******. I proceeded to break down in immense frustration over censorship.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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Why is the man's nose bleeding? Because I punched him in the nose. He looked at me funny.

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what do you get when you cross a jellyfish, a jar, and a brown crayon? i dont know, im not into genetics, and jars dont have genes.

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How do you kill Lady Gaga? There is no point in trying, she is too heavily guarded.

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Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

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Why did the prince kiss his beloved just before going into battle? Intermission.

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What is the opposite of Obama? Mitt Romney because he his white and a republican so all is good with him.

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Q: What did the psychopath dream about? A: An insane chimpanzee kicking his head off, or maybe something normal

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"Why did Suzie fall off the swing?" "She had no arms." "What did Suzie get for Christmas?" "Cancer." "What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a tub of dead babies?" "I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage." "What did Suzie get for Christmas from me?" "My tub of dead babies."

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A bike

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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What does a salmon and a falcon have in common They both live underwater except for the falcon.

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What did the 11 year old boy get for christmas? A wet dream

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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