Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Ben." Ben who?" "Ben Dover!" "Ben,it's been 7 years. I already moved on and have a new husband and family. Stop coming here or I'm calling the police."

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Pretend you are in a box and there is no way out. How do you get out? You don't

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm locked in someone's basement, Please help me.

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Why Do cats purr when you pet them? I'm actually asking a question there I don't know why.

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What do you call a puppy with all it's legs missing? Franklin, the quadraplegic puppy.

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(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

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Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school? Both of his legs were amputated. He can't ride a bike ever again.

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Lil Wayne's song 6 foot 7 foot was named after my wewe

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What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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What did Superman say to Batman when they first met? Nothing. They are not real.

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A man goes to a gas station to pump gas in his car. After about 7 minutes, he leaves.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

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Why did the Jew pick up the quarter on the sidewalk? Because he was going to buy a candy bar and was short 25 cents.

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What would you call the jetsons if they were black? Niggers

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a crap?

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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Why couldn't Bobby attend his friends wedding? He was struck by lightning. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Bobby

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what can't see and has four eyes? a blind kid born with four eyes

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Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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