What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting a handjob from Edward scissor hands

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What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? 'Where's my tractor?'

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road? Because it got hit by a bus

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Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

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Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHH!

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Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

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Q: What drug did the addict do at the Grand Canyon? A: None; after years of battling substance abuse, he came to realize the social, financial, and health consequences had significantly degraded his quality of life, and was appalled by his bad decisions.

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Why'd the bird in Ohio fall out of its nest? There was a squirrel that was eaten by a large eagle. The eagle then flew to Ohio and died. Then, a large dog grabbed the Eagles corpse and brought it to his owner. The owner then decided to have it for dinner. Inside the eagle, he found the squirrels bones. He put the bones in a catapult, and sent them flying. The bones hit a car and the car slipped off the road and into a river. Then, a whale put the car on its back and swam to the shore. At the shore, the whale got stranded and sadly died. Crabs surrounded the whale and ate it. One crab then ran away and up a tree. It found a stapler and a rubber dinosaur mask and gave it to a chipmunk. The chipmunk climbed up the tree, stapled nuts into the birds eyes and stapled the rubber dinosaur mask to its face, the bird got scared, and then all of the sudden the chipmunk stapled itself to the birds back. The birds family then came and shoved the two out of the tree because they hated chipmunks, and their son Timmy the bird was a disappointment. The bird and the chipmunk fell and died. That is why the bird fell.

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why does Amy leave Dan? Dan gets hit by a bus.

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Why was Tommy late for school? He got raped by spiderman.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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Why didn't Anne Frank ever leave the attic? She did.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting doctor. The inter-- --You have cancer.

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What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

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What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

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there's a worm in my lime at least it doesn't have scurvy

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What's blue, white and red all over? Not a duck.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint your self green and throw forks at her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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