Once upon a time, there were a lot of Jews......

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Q. What did the blond say when she woke up? A. I don"t know. I wasn't there.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of lollipop? unknown.

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What's worse than finding out your dad has AIDS? Finding out your little brother also has it, but you and your mother don't.

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What is Ron afraid of? Spiders!

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

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Horse.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

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A duck walks into a bar, clearly ignoring the 'No Ducks Allowed' sign that had been placed in the window to prevent comedic scenarios.

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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Two men were walking down the road when one of them spotted an old lamp lying in a ditch. After examining the lamp's handiwork for several seconds one man rubbed the lamp with his shirt sleeve. The men then continued down the road.

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A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

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Why are kids with Aspergers Syndrome always banned from Mcdonalds? Let me repeat that: Ass Burgers.

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What did the rabbit say to the man nothing animals cant talk

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What is yellow and bright? The sun.

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Why was the black guy sitting in the back of the bus? Because there were no more seats available in the front.

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So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

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What did the captain say to the priest? We're on a boat.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

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What do you call a man floating in a pool with his arms chopped off? A murder victim.

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Q: What did Mr. Spoke say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

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My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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