how do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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Why did the student fall asleep during class? He was very tried from staying up too late.

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You scream I scream We all screamed when the chicken crossed the road

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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What's red and can sing? Elmo

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What did the mexican firefighter name his kids? Jose and Pablo

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We are few Nero, too few, if I want to split my money with you, would it help you find true happiness?

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL -LOL GUY

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

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Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

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How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her with a knife.

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I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket? No. A picture of a red bucket? No. A photo nailed to a red bucket, which shows a red bucket with a very realistic painting of a red bucket on it? Yes.

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Why did the man throw his son out the window? His house was on fire

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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Your Mom is so fat, that she went to the doctor's and they told her that she was overweight and needed to get a stomach staple in order to make her lose weight

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Evicted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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