What did the father say to his child Christmas morning? you're adopted

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A kid is stuck in a fire, his dad (a firefighter) comes and saves him. Sadly the kid needed surgery from the fire. He went to the hospital and when the doctor looked at him he said "I cannot operate on my own son." How can this be? His parents are gay...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? A teenage girl was texting and driving, didn't see it, and now it's roadkill.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are red Violets are blue You don't want to be my valintine I'm going to shoot myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

no.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Knock Knock Who's there? Santa Santa who? Imwatching you!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Its crackers to slip a rozer and dropsey in snide.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I have a friend named Jay . But for short , he likes to be called J .

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Knock Knock: I have full blown AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Suddenly a wild bunny appears ::::::::::::(:oI)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why can't Ray Charles drive? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's so funny about Mexicans? Nothing. They're all humans too.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

OMG, I have a really funny alzheimer's joke. Your'e gonna love it! Uhh, I umm kinda forgot what it was now.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's worse than finding a worm in your pork? Finding half of a worm, because the worm you just ate is going to live in your stomach, breed, then come out your butt. Or the Apocalypse.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Your momma is so dumb... that when she took an IQ test she score pretty low on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Lady gaga suposedly has a wener.What does that make her? A man

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A lawyer walks into a bar, and due to the repercussions of severe head trauma was never able to do so again.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge asked "Mum, why is my name Fridge?" to which she replied "Because you deserve to be in one."

thumb_up thumb_down -28

im passing this on from a friend: 2 blondes walk into a building, you think one woulda saw it,

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

whats the difference between an iron and a priest? An iron is a hand-held device which presses clothes and a priest is a person who is authorized to perform the sacred rituals of a religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops