salad days!

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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A man walks into his cubicle and sits down. After a long day of work, he goes home and happens to die whilst eating dinner.

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why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

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What do you call a fake noodle An impasta

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer left the gait open.

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Why did the chair break? The person that sat in it was over weight

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It's 4/20. You know what that means? Today is a Wednesday

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roses are red violets are blue. they both smell like flowers

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What do you call a Jew reading a book in the library? Steve Goldberg. .

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whats black & white the colombo school shooting citv footage

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Why couldn't the horse open the door? - Because it was locked...Beeeeeeeeeeeeeef Jelly

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Why did the 15 year old commit suicide? Because his parents and 3 sisters died in a car accident and he went to live with his uncle, who constantly raped him.

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A: Do you want to hear a joke? B: A ladie not working in the kitchen A: WTF dude thats just terrible

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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how many flys in a box six --sticksack

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Your mom's so fat... she probably needs to go on some sort of diet to avoid a serious heart condition and inevetible death

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What's is the worst thing america has done? Jersey Shore, We mad those idiots rich.

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I never made a mistake. I thought i did once but i was mistaken

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Knock knock Who's there? Boo AHHH A GHOST D:

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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