Justin's life

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Did you hear about the man who played the lottery? He lost.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Just open the damn door.

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? A nice sweater.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The black man is alive.

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What is worse than the holocaust. A worm in MY apple!

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Why did the old man cross the road? Coz he was in an ambulance

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Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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how did harry styles get in one diretion god

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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My neighbours found out this morning that I'm a serial killer. Knock knock [L]

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what happened when the shoe turned into a shoe.......... nothing, it was a raisin

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Poems are great but sometimes they don't make refridgerater

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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