I found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school. I said, "Wow, I can't believe I just found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school." Later that day, my principal gassed the kindergarten classrooms with cyanide while shouting, "GO RAIDERS!"

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one does, too.

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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What's orange, brown, and blue? An orange, brown, and blue object.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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Roses are red Violets are red I have Ebola

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Q: What kind of time is it when you fall from a ladder and are moments from landing straight on a operational circle saw? Moral: ITS TIME TO SPLIT!

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My wife is dying of terminal brain cancer."

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Q. What is Black, White, and Red all over?? A. A girl just having sex and her Cherry broke all over your dick..

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I was raped the other day... I still did more work than the bitch

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Why did the boy hate his mom? She was a fucking bitch.

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

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What do you call a gynochologist named John? John

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There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Knock, Knock Who's there Cluck Cluck who? Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck - proceed to bob head and flap wings - cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck

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Is your refrigerator running? If so, it sounds like you've got a well manufactured, correctly working appliance. If not, you might want to either have a technician come over and look at it or you should simply replace it with a working one.

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Why was the grandomther crying? She just got pepper sprayed.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Getting your balls chopped off by a maniac on LSD.

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What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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