What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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If Hellen Keller could meet Obama, what would she say? Nothing.

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Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

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Hey man. what? squidbillies.

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What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I touch myself at night.

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What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The black man is alive.

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What did the Golden Retriever say when asked about the meaning of life? woof.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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Why did the clown fall out of the tree? He got shot.

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Q: Whats red and circular? A: A red circle

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Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman come across a magic slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Englishman slides down screaming "SILVER!", and lands in a heap of silver at the bottom. The Scotsman takes his turn, and shouts "WEEEE!" as he slides down. He gets up and realises what a needless waste of a wish his enjoyment cost him.

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What goes in dry and comes out wet and sticky? Bubble Gum

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What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

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What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? were lawyers

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops