How many kleptomaniacs does t take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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How do you make an emo kid cry? He already is.

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Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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what did the potato say to the apple nothing food can't talk

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knock knock whos there? aids aids who? aids aids who? i dont go away

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Q: How do you know a chinese guy robbed your house? A: your homework is done, your computer is updated, and 2 hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway

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What is the difference between a black person and a pizza? Nothing, they both taste like chicken

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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A man on an airplane is extremely frustrated by a small, screaming child. He puts on his headphones and listens to music.

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A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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Q: What's worse than having a terrorist throw a fridge at you? A: World War 5

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Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

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what does 1 out of 15 people get cancer

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Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, people lived in it. The End.

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A white man, a black man and an asian walked into a bar. They got a drink and discussed multiple issues of the day and then went their seperate ways home.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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Why do people waste time reading these jokes. Because they like anti jokes.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. He was stapled to the baby.

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What do you call a half-Latino, half-Asian baby? The product of a healthy interracial couple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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