How do you know when you are really ugly? Objective self-evaluation, and frank, honest discussion with close friends and family.

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What more fun than a barrel full of monkeys? A barrel of dead babies

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What happened to the child drowning in a pool? He was saved by the well-trained lifeguard.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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The GOV and the WHO?

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My girlfriend says i cant finish a sentence properly dripping horse cum fetus rape.

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Well, I guess it's back to the drawing board.

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What did the monkey say to the lion? I'm being sexually abused by my handler, and feel so violated.

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your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

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what happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? -- it gets wet

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Not gonna tell you, that was one weird story, I feel like super high right now.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah Witness

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What do you call a person with an axe stuck to his head? What's your name?

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LAST COMMENT? DISGUSTIIIING! NO YOU TAKE IT!

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What is six foot three, plays basketball, and is black? A black dog with basketball skills and takes steroids.

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why did the man stay home on a monday? He was dead.

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how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

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What do you call a smelly black person? An African american with poor hygiene

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Why did the airplane crash? The pilot had a stroke.

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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