- Anti Joke

I like my women how I like my ice-cream Out cold.

Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah Witness

A Jew, an Irishman and a Russian walk into the bar and the bartender says, "Get the Hell out."

What is long, hard, and full of semen? An erected penis.

What do you call a white duck? A quacker

what is worse than a guy pissed?

What do Barbra Streisand and Danny Glover have in common? Nothing.

Why doesn't Susie have a bike? She has no arms. Who pushed Johnny off a cliff? Definitely not Susie.

Why didn't the lady answer the phone? She is deaf and mute.

How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

Whats worse than the holocaust? WNBA

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, there could be several reasons. The sight of another chicken, its wondering imagination, but because chickens cannot speak, therefore, can never know the true answer.

Ammy Winehouse walks into a bar Don't you said we should stop jocking about dead people ?

What's red and has wheels? A red car

Why did the blind man fail his math test? Because he had been raped and murdered. Going blind is a side effect of death.

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie. He died the next morning because it was Easter and the pie had remained unrefrigerated since the holidays. His parents were brought up on charges of neglegent homocide. Plus, they had a meth lab in the guest bathroom and ran a prostituion ring off of Craig's list. Jack's sister is now in the care of loving foster parents,who plan on adopting her and she misses her brother. Easter is a sad reminder of her former life, even though she is now a devout Christian and acknowledges the day as that of our Lord's ressurection. She plans on going to college to study nursing, someday.

A man on his 21st birthday walks into a bar. He orders a piña colada. The bartender then replies "Sorry we do not sell piña coladas here." In disappointment, the man decides to order a different alcoholic drink and later becomes an alchoic for 20 years until he breaks his obsession and remarries his wife and has 5 kids. He then had a great life and died at age 92. He will be missed by his wife and children.

Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

Is it better to be born black or gay? No way to know. That is, unless you are black and gay.

What do you call a black man on a bike? A hard-working individual who found a steady job and earned enough money to buy a bicycle of his own which he rides to and from his job because he is healthy, doesn't like to waste money on gas, and doesn't like the pollution automobiles put into the air. By Darragh Hamilton

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being hit by a plane.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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