Why did the man get a DUI? Because he was driving under the influence.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than getting a bruise? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A kid finds a bag of heroine. He is a good Samaritan and asks the nearest junkie if it belonged to him.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What happened when Susie fell off the Ferris Wheel? There was an open seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the fox cross the road? To chew on the chicken carcass.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? Because she had no arms!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? You don't, he just jumps down.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what is the worst thing to find out about for wife she is your arm

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A joke that isn't funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

That's illegal What? Your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So nobody finds he's been fucking hens.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A black man, a Pakistani and Jew sit at a bar. It's great to see such a cosmopolitan community.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I'm a psychic. Don't believe me? Think of any number between 1 and 20. Got it? Your number is 17. Please comment if I got it right

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: If your riding down the Nile on a boat and your boat springs a leak, how many boxes of pancake mix does it take to fix the hole? A: 58, because Koalas are marsupials

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The global news

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why could the kid not finish his homework? Because it flew out the window on the way to his parents funeral

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two friends sit down at a table for lunch. One, in a very frustrated mood, says to the other, "You know what I don't get?" His friend immediately responds: "Sex."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you make a 5 year old cry? Kill their parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the butcher bald? He was undergoing intensive chemotherapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops