A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Why is there no Asprin in the rainforest? Because it's financially viable to sell pharmesuticals in the vast, unpopulated rainforest.

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Your mom is so old, I am surprised she can still own a house and function on her own.

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GONNA

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A boy tells his friend a 9/11 joke. The boy's friend says "Don't joke about 9/11, my dad died in it." "I'm sorry I didn't know.", responds the boy. "Yeah, that's the last plane he ever flew"

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

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What do you call 10 old black people in a barn? Used farm equipment

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Why couldn't the blind man drive? His sight impairment made him unable to fulfill the task without harming himself and potentially other people.

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A guy wearing a top hat walks into a bar. He says, "Ow."

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how many weasels does it take to change a lightbulb 0 weasels are animals and therefore are not capable of changing lightbulbs

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What do call a black politician? Not Barack Obama, unless it's Barack Obama

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Why did Billy start a fire? Because he was cold.

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69

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Where's my tractor?

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How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? As many as it takes.

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Why did the old man cry? Because he had just witnessed his wife die.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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Why was the redneck so racist? Because he had a severe dislike for the black community.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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