Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Q. What happened to the girl who locked her keys in her car? A. I raped her.

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A piece of paper got wet. I stuck it over the fireplace to dry off, but it lit on fire.

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So Colton Yepma walks in to Accounting and proceeds to read jokes

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How many candles did Johnny blow out on his birthday cake? The same number of candles which corresponds to his age.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, many scientists believe that the first living organisms on Earth were single-celled, prokaryotic bacteria.

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Q: How does 5 gay people walk together? A: In One Direction.

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Why did Todd have intimacy problems? He was molested as a child.

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What did Helen Keller say to the leper? Buaaaaguuuhloo

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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Whats worse than Lindsey Lohans vagina? Nothing.

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An irish man and a lebanese man jump off a cliff who wins? No one it wasnt a race

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What is computers and smells like thin and fragile? dyslexic nipples.

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What is blue, around 30 cm long and makes women cry? Crib death!

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Caramel Boing.

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how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw them

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What did Cinderella wear at the ball? Clothes

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Hey girl, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I dropped one and I can't find it.

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I am not physically scarred, rather mentally, lets just say my childhood was a lot less than pleasant, I got no idea where you got that "Nero lost an arm" thing, I got both arms working. But I guess I often feel alone because only I can feel, see and experience the pain of the scars a terrible childhood has left me with. You are right though, it is easy to give up saying that humanity is not ready or worthy, making me feel as Dr.Doom or something alike, hidden behind some suit of armor still ashamed for things I know that I am not, but that still burn deep within my mind. PTSD buddy, it does not matter if I logically believe that I am competent or not, when my past is engraved, etched into my soul, constantly telling me I am not, so helping others is actually pretty easy, yet saving myself, I do not know how anymore, it is easy to change the minds of those that have not been broken time after time physically and mentally by those which they love the most. I will heal, your words are inspiring, thank you.

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What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground apart from the eagle.

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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relatable: school : 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: oscer has 4 apple his train was 7 min early now caulate the mass of the sun

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have you seen the movie, Constipated? Never mind, it hasn't come out yet.

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Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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