What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my Tractor?"

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why did Kanye interrupt Taylor Swift at the VMA's? because he had a little too much scotch before the ceremony

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What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

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Why is Michael J. Fox so go at dance? Because he took lesson as a child

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The first cow: are you worried about mad cow disease? the second cow: no, im a helicopter

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a guy walks in to a bar in iraq. 10 people died because of it

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What do you call a duck who votes democrat? A duck

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

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Why did the guy lose the race? Because he had explosive diarrhea

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

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A white man walks into an elementary school. He was the teacher.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-'er-face

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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1: Knock knock. 2: Who's there? 1: Boo. 2: Please do come on in Boo, its so lovely to see you!

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Knock Knock "Who's there?" "This is Frank from Walside Windows just wondering if you wou..." (Door Slams Shut) "Damn those people are annoying"..

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Why did john have to have back surgery He needed his back "screwed" up

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Q. What's the difference between a clock and an elephant? A. A clock doesn't have limbs, muscles or a respiratory system.

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I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartendor says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "My wife was just diagnosed with cancer and given only a week to live."

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Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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