Q. What did the 300 pound Asian get for Valentine's day A. A jetpack. Except for the fact that the previous sentence was an obvious lie making this whole joke irrelevant.

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What did Lois say to Peter? Who cares... Family Guy is a stupid show.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't know any better. It very recently was decapitated in order tofeed the farmers family.

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Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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why is ginger kid so sad? Because his all family was killed

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Your momma is so fat, her doctor recommended exercising more and eating healthier.

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How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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A child finally stood up to the school bullies! Recently the news did a story about a school shooting.

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Two antennas falls in love. They get married. The wedding was horrible, but the reception was great.

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A man walks into a bard with a politician, an Asian man, and a sailor. They all get drinks and have a good time.

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what do u call a blonde in the libary? alexandra wallace

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Q. What is the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? A. Depth Perception.

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a potato a chicken and a rooster ate a cat and you just wasted your time

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What's the difference between a battered woman and a regular woman. There is absolutely no difference...

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What do you call it when a multiple personality disorder person masturbates? Rape.

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Why did the boy chuck a fridge at the other boy? Because he broke his toy train.

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Why did the girl fall of her bike? Because she got hit by a fridge!

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How do you eat a sandwich With yo mouth bi tch

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Why had the father left his family. Because he was tired of dancing in a circle.

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Why did the teacher's cat die? It had cat herpes and feline immunodeficiency virus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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