Why couldn't the man lick his elbows? Because it is scientifically proven that over 98% of humans can not lick their elbows.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I was diagnosed as criminally insane Wanna be my friend?

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A man walks into a bar, and he died.

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kill yourself....with a cigarette

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Two guys walk into a bar. They have drinks, pay for them, then get into a car crash killing a mom and her daughter returning home from selecting a wedding dress. The wedding is canceled. Rate This Comment 0

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay!"

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

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If life hands you lemons... Question yourself what just happened because life isn't tangible and has no way of handing you lemons, and even if it did, why lemons?

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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why did susy fall off the swing? Cause she has no arms knock knock Who's there? not susy

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a jewish duck trips over a series of metal corckswcrews and proceeds to die of ADHD the answer is 4

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What is the difference between my right hand and my left hand? I used my right hand to stab your mother.

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A man walked into a pub, and enjoys of a couple off pints. Some time later he loudly asks the gentleman next to him: Do you know about this thing called Fightclub?... The bartender had to call an ambulance, you don't talk about fightclub

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ok last night i found a pic of romney saying "if i win the election 8 million people will have no job" then Obama says hey romney now that i won the election it would be 8 million and one stupid.

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

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Why did George smoke weed? Because he was depressed after his wife died and couldn't get over the fact that he would be lonely forevermore.

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this new cologne, it's kind of gross smelling.

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What starts with an N, ends with R, and you arent supposed to say? Never

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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