what did the homeless kid get for christmas? nothing he probably doesn't know what christmas is

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Who won the championship last year? There was no championship

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? I'm not sure, he could not unwrap them.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A bar walks into a man

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Whose there? Obviously not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse then your mouse running away? Getting hit by a plane

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If a wood chuck could chuck wood, it would depend on whether it wanted to or not. If it did want to, it could potentially chuck an infinite amount of wood in its lifetime

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Michael Jackson will always be remembered for touching...the hearts of many.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a man with a gun in his mouth? Keith.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why do the klu kux klan wear pillowcases on their heads? they were going to go with coon skin but thought it was a little much!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What long black and tasty? Licorice

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what happened when Bob told a joke? Joe laughed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Like is like a penis long and easy. But women make it hard

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's Michael J Fox's favorite toy? While, a magic 8-ball might first appear to be a good guess. Let's be honest, those things really lose their luster after the first couple times. More likely it's something like a sports car or big screen television.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops