how do u make a baby cry? you shouldnt. Stop thinking of ways to make a kid cry... asshole.

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Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid? A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

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Q. What did the mom say to the boy scout? A. He wouldn't be a happy camper.

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What do a raven and a writing desk have in common? I have no idea.

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A horse walks into a bar. The horse says "why the short face?"

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the boy fell, because he hit a bump.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet You have pancreatic cancer

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So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

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What's worse than having cancer? Two people having cancer

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Whats worse than cutting yourself with scissors? Being forced into a blender by your baby's ghost.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Q. What does the kool aid man say when he breaks into a wall A. Ow

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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Why couldn't the black man play hockey in college? He died of cancer while still in high school.

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What is the worst part about dying? no-one cause no-one has ever survived dying to know what it is like so how is it possible that I would know

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A Hispanic walks into an alleyway and sees two of his rich friends. He desperately needs money and only has enough time to shoot one of them because he sees the police following him. He decides which one to shoot... Wait, if he has enough time to think about this shouldn't he just shoot both of them?

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Why did the CEO step down? Because he was very ill and could no longer meet his duties and expectations as Pear’s CEO.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

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I'm gay Mr Goodwin

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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Why did Jenny fall off her bike? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Jenny

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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