Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because usually they've been killed, stunned or sedated first.

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What's red and smells like green paint? Red Paint

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Q: A giraffe fell in a hole and died. Which was taller the Lion or Giraffe? A: The Giraffe was before it died

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What did the fish say to the Asain man Nothing. a fish can not talk

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did you know hellen keller had a dog? niether did she

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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What do you call a guy with aids? Your dad

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Evan Ramsey hahaha go CAD

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What did the little Jew boy get for Christmas? nothing he is a Jew, he doesn't celebrate Christmas.

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Why did the black guy wear a hat? To keep the sun out of his eyes

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Why can Michael Jackson no longer moonwalk? because he's dead.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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Knock knock Who's there? Cow Cow who? If you really think about it, it's really now

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Why did the hobo get hit by a bus? He wanted to kill himself.

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You tell her an anti joke

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How did the baby cross the ocean? It was stapled to a whale.

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Walking down a cold, lonely, deserted street is a 10 year old who lost her parents. she has with her in plain sight her fathers wallet, so full of cash that it is literally too full. all of a sudden, a black man with a gum jumps out from around the corner. he then proceeds to mug her and shoot her. thanking the man for playing cops with her using finger guns, she goes home with a new coffee mug and a stick of gum. she died three days later from unrelated incidents.

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

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How do you have fun while stuck in traffic? Play bumper cars!

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Ubisoft presents a game by ubisoft

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Roses are grey. Violets are a different shade of grey. Let's go chase cars. -Dog

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A kid walks in to a bar. The bartender asks the boy where his parents are and he replies that he does not know. They call the police who proceed to try to contact the boy's parents. They have gone missing so the boy must go up for adoption. He gets adopted by an abusive family and runs away. Without a family, job, or money, he could not afford a house. He lived alone in a box until he died of starvation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops