Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

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Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

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Why did the chicken fall down? Because it wanted to have fun

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What did spongebob say to patrick? Im ready! im ready!

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Knock knock? Who's there? Herpes. Bummer.

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What did the pirate order for breakfast? Pancakes.

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Useful Information: *2+2=5 *4+4=9 *6+6=13 Q: Given this information, how many fingers am I holding up? A: It was a trick question. Batman didn't open the door.

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what do you call a dog with no legs. It dosent matter it wont come

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? Glasses

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a termite walks into a bar and asks, "wheres the bar tender?"

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Your mother is so white that when she dances, she is off beat a little bit.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Q: What are the best kind of jokes? A: The funny ones.

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why do muslims always turn to their left? Because they don't have their rights.

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A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

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A chronic hemophilliac walks into a bar. He cuts himself and bleeds to death.

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two muffins are sitting in an oven one muffin turns and says "boy it`s hot in here" the other muffin can`t bring himself to explain to the other they are about to be eaten alive.

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What did the Watermelon say to its baby? I'll SEED you later!

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Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because six is a numerophobe.

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Q: What did the pedestrian say to the bus driver that hit him? A: Nothing, he died.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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A grandfather clock fucked my bicycle!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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