What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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Why did the black man run out of the shop with items under his jacket? He was shopping for groceries, when his brother texted him, letting him know that his wife had just gone into labour. He then realised that it was a very miserable rainy day outside and he didn't have an umbarella, so he payed for his items, and ran to his car.

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Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

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Set up Punch line.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

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Why are pineapples yellow? 82, piano, bomb, lamp!

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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An atheist and a priest agree to a public debate. The priest doesn't make much of an attempt to argue because there is a young boy in his podium giving him a handjob.

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Why did the genie not grant the man his 3 wishes? Genies don't exist, only vampires live in lamps.

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Potatoes have skin, i have skin, so therefore i must be a pig

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Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.

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here's my two cents worth! *hands you two pennies , entire life savings*

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What do you call your mom? Mom

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Why was Luke named Luke Skywalker? Because he walks to skies.

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Why shouldn't you tell a joke during an earthquake. Cause it is not the time nor the place to tell a joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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