A mother had three kids: 1st kid- “Mom, why did you name me Daisy?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head.” 2nd kid- “Mommy, why did you name me Rose?” Mom- “Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head.” 3rd kid- “Blahblahblahflismdjsk” *makes retarded noises* Mom- “SHUT UP BRICK!”

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Q: What's worse than one dead baby at the bottom of a trash can? A: One dead baby in ten trash cans.

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What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

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What did the librarian say to the three black men in the library? Nothing. Those three men were Harvard graduates and were very respective of libraries, and thier policies.

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Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

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A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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How do you make Adolf Hitler angry? You can't, dead people are not sentient, and hence cannot feel anger.

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? I shot him in the face.

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Cosmopolitan magazine releases an issue without any sex tips.

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q: what do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex? a: sex, just like everyome else calls it

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What song does the lady camel sing to seduce male camels - my humps my humps my humps my humps How did sergay the camel respond? -we dont know. He died a fatal death involving hippos in hula skirts, and flying guavas

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I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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A black guy and a jew walk into a country club, within minutes, they are told to leave and never come back in order to avoid being contaminated by the radioactive waste left by a landfill company cutting corners in safety regulations

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None, they couldn't cross the border.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was mauled by a bear!

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Why was the homeless man lying on the floor? Because he was dead

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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They didn't stop pulling my hair i didn't stop pulling the trigger

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-How do you wake up Lady Gaga? -Poke her face

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A Haiku It Is This One Is Kind Of Boring Now It's Time For Bed

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What did the horse say to it's owner? It didn't horses can't talk

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your mother is so obese, that she really should look into eating a well balanced diet and taking part in an excercise plan that suits her

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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