What does a homeless man get for Christmas? A gun to kill himself with

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okay so three men are in a plane ( this is the type of plane you can open the windows) so the stewardess goes up to the first man he asks for a gun she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window he confused but he does it anyways the stewardess goes to the second man he asks for a beer she agrees but he has to throw it out the window hes confused but he does it anyways the stewardess walks up the the third man he asks for a pack of C4 she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window without hesitation he gets it and throws it out the window. so they land and the first man sees a women crieing i was walking down the street and got hit in the head by a gun and arested for being armed the second man sees a hobo cheering loudly hes says he was sleeping in the ally and it started raining budlight the third man shes a women hysterically laughing she says i was going to work and spilled my coffe then my house blew up!

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What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

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A Priest, a Rabbi and a Shaman walk into a bar. The Bartender looks at them and says "What is this a Joke?"

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Why does an ostrich have such a long neck? Because its head is so far from its body.

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So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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What do you do when you see a half-dead black man on the floor? Call an ambulance before he bleeds out causing sepsis.

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How many babies can you breast feed? 2

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What do you call a Serbian-Australian man with no arms, no legs, and two feet. Nick Vujicic

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Why are you on this sight? You're procrastinating. I am too

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms

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Why did the first koala fall off the tree? He was dead. Why did the second koala fall off the tree? He got hit by the first one. Why did the third koala fall off the tree? He thought it was a game so he joined in.

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What do you call black people working in a field? Farmers.

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YODO (unless you're religious background encourage you to believe in an afterlife of some sort, be it of animalia or homo sapien decent.

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Have you seen the blind man's new house? No. Neither has he.

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What did the girl say to her ex? Fuck you.

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey...I forget the rest but your mother is a hor.

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What do you call postman pat without a job? Pat.

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Why was Eight in court? He was involved in Nine's horrifying disappearance.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have alzheimers, cheese on toast.

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What do you call a poor man on the side of the rode asking for money? A poor man on the side of the rode asking for money.

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What's awesome and rides a unicycle? Rollercoasters. I lied about the unicycle.

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What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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