What do you call a Mexican that doesn't have a lawn mower? An honest working induvidual that just so happens to live in the city and does not own a lawn mower

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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What do we call the science of classifying living things? Racism

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

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Your mom is so fat when she sat on wallmart she lowered the prices

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how much kush does it take to get kushagra high

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What do you call an old man who took too much viagra? And ambulance, because he could possibly get a heart attack from the fluctuations in blood pressure

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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WILLYS

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A mermaid walks into a bar, but she has no legs, so she flops over and proceeds to drag herself into the bar.

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Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he had a malignant tumor on his liver.

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A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

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What did little Timmy find at the bottom of the well? The fact that he could no longer breathe and thus causing him to drown.

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Her doctor told her that if she didn't start watching her cholesterol she might suffer from heart related illness in the near future.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who lost most of his savings by making bad investment decisions.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Being unaware of his surroundings, the chicken was startled by an oncoming motor vehicle. Due to the animals vapid logic an reasoning, based on impulse it quickly ran to the other side of the street to avoid its imminent death by the speeding automobile. Unknowingly, the chicken had reached the other side of the road,

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Why didn't the little boy hear the ice cream truck? He was deaf.

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What is worse than standing on a plug? finding out your family have all been killen in a horrible car crash and your neighbours daughter who happens to be your friend has cancer.

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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What's the difference between a brick and Ricky? A brick gets laid and has a higher iq

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What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

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Why did the man throw a clock? In retaliation for his wife having thrown a vase at him. The couple has a history of domestic violence. More than one friend has suggested counselling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops