Why did Johnny fall off of the swing? The swing was defective. Knock, knock. Who's there? Johnny's lawyer.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's a Gigawat? I made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

- Knock knock. - Who's there? - Jehovah - Jehovah who? - Jehovah's Witness - Go f*** yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies? A live baby trying to eat his way out.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a homeless man in Beverly Hills? Charles, Someone who unfortunately had to drop out of school at a young age to work to support his dying mother. Hence, later in life, after his mother died, lacked the education to be enrolled in college forcing him to pimp to make enough money to eat and pay for the rent in his one bedroom appartment in his hometown-Mississippi. But times were tough in Mississippi and not many people could afford a whore. This forces him to go all the way to California where he found more people there were willing to pay for a whore. Business was good and soon enough he had enough money for a decent condo. But Charles still morned the death of his mother. Eventually he couldn't take the daily pressure of being a pimp and thought of his mothers death, so he turned to heroin. Soon all his money was fueling his addiction and before he knew it he was on the street, with no one to help him and no where's to go. Every night he goes to sleep on his cardboard box with the memory of his late mother in the back of his head. Sometimes Charles wonders what he could of been if he didn't drop out of school, but he knows that what he did was the right thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Kid 1 Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken. Kid 2 Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys. Kid 1 You know what? I think you're right Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is also blue

thumb_up thumb_down +17

whats big and white and falls from the sky\ Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Charles missed the stop sign. Charles can't read.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

thumb_up thumb_down +17

5 black men walk into a 7-11 at midnight. They clog the all of the toilets in the mens bathroom causing them to over run.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Nero, I can barely stay awake, can we chat more later today though? I would really enjoy that, and sleep before that.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Who are the faster readers? New Yorkers, they through 110 stories in 5 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down +15

So the word RAPING does not work unless you type it in caps? Raping... Did it censor? No? Never mind then... Wow, catchphra Never mind... Its a sign X-files theme.... Teleports at your house: Hah bitch never you ugly, or not ugly enough... Urgh, nevermind, I mean some ugly chicks know their stuff but you know... Anyway NeroMetal The sociopath not the fucking Cultist piece of shit that use my morals as a code system? YOU THINK WE THE SAME? EEEEEEH! Me raping you says we are not... And ill find you ;) Or your sister or your mom, I mean h0m0? You think im a pervert or something?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Friends are like snowflakes, they go away when you pee on them.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Your mother is so ugly it affects her self esteem.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A car with four Mexicans drives off of a cliff. What's the bad news? They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

XD I literally cant stop laughing XD, thats like a manly tussle would go down huh? XDXDXD Cartoon Network? Is that thing still on anywhere? You like watching cartoons? I don't mind if you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops