What do blueberries, oranges, watermelons, doors, curtains, backpacks, spoons, asian men, bicycles, asian men on bicycles, shrimp, books, eagles, dinosaurs, watermelons wearing backpacks filled with shrimp and orange spoons, feet, limes, binders, paper, candles, chicken nuggets, tvs, chairs, floors, refridgerators, and humidifiers have in common? Barnes and Noble

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

An Irishman and his sheep are locked in a barn together for 3 days. On the 3rd day his wife finally notices that he is gone, and comes looking in the barn for her husband. She liberates him, cooks him dinner, and they both laugh at the bestiality that occurred in the barn. 3 days is indeed a long time for anyone to endure.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why didn't gram-pa give his grandson a Birthday present? Because he had Alzheimer's and forgot about him.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the teacher give out homework? she is a teacher

thumb_up thumb_down -32

WHat did the Somalian girl get for Christmas? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -32

8--------------------- penis

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How do you get a slave to stop screaming from the rope he is hanging on? You stop messing around and you hang him already!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What junk did she have in her trunk? Mcdonalds because shes fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so i can text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the previously pregnant teen flush down the toilet? Her beloved pet goldfish who recently died. She had already given birth to a healthy baby the previous year.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the first koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Give one reason for not visiting a hotel. Basil Fawlty is the manager.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why is the sky blue? Time to get a watch.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Knock knock Go away

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? One is made of flesh and can talk, think and do things. The other is made of metal and can only pull things towards itself or push them away. But strangely, the latter is a lot more welcome in most situations.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Antijokes?! More like Antijakes!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why is it not safe for turkeys to do maths? Because they don't have the mental capacity to carry out the calculations correctly, which would be a danger in jobs such as engineering or the space industry. Furthermore, they are unable to understand the concept of numbers or symbols and therefore have no motivation to solve mathematical problems; and even if they did, they don't have the dexterity or education to write out the solutions.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whats 1+1? The answer!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How do you make a clown shut up? Throw a axe at it!!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops