- Anti Joke

Why did the blonde girl drink lots of water? Because the fat comments got to her and she changed her diet to nothing but water

matt is fat

Holy mother moley! Britain just brexited! Now there's no more Britain. Britain is all gone.

If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you no longer have me. What am I? (a secrect)

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? I raped your mom and she swallowed my load, k

:Knock Knock :Who's there? :....... No one was there because they were ding dong ditchers.

a blonde takes 1 hour to swim 100m of breaststroke.

Q How do you know when a gay walks into a bar A Albert rushes over and starts feeling him up

Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

roses are red violets are blue bullets are lead now i shoot you

How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

But I like being mean and angry! Nevermind, 158 according to Mensa`s standard bullshit test (my wife got 160, I remember we argued a lot over it because I kept insisting they would not use the same predictable pattern again... I overestimated them wildly I can make more advanced stuff than they can, and in no way do I consider myself "The worlds elite required to ensue the future survival and salvation of mankind`s finest and fittest" those fucking arrogant suckers,,,) Below average in any test including American presidents and historical events. Aaand about 450 in any bullshit online test which then offers you "more accurate tests" which cost money and probably destroys the fake confidence any idiot buying such a test in the first place might have built up,

how does your hair keep changing lengths? due to my countless hours of grueling sessions in chemotherapy due to what was recently found as a terminal cancer, i wear wigs

Knock Knock Who's there? Ash Oh hey Ash, I was expecting you, come on in!!

Roses Are Blue I Have A Gun And Ill Sout You!

Two polar bears were sitting in a bathtub. One said to the other, "Could you pass the saop?". The other say, "What do you think I am, a typewriter?".

What's worse than finding a dead baby in a trash can? -Finding a dead baby in 5 trash cans

It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

why was the female student failing out of school? because she made bad choices and never gave school her all.

insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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