- Anti Joke

What did the cat say to the bird? Nothing. It's a cat.

What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

What did the chicken say to the butcher? Moo.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A tragic drowning victim. And later, food for sharks, probably.

Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

Q: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got in the b\Batmobile? A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

Tim and Jim are Telling Jokes Tim: Knock Knock ... Jim does not respond because Tim has a mental disorder causing him to believe in hypothetical doors and thus ignores him so that he does not upset his friend

What do you say to a confused blond? You help her with her conundrum.

What do you do at a club? You club.

A Mexican and an African American are in a car, who is driving? The Mexican, while the African American rides in the passenger seat.

I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

Three nudists, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. No one finds it particuarly odd because the three are conscientious and wear appropriate clothing in public places.

Guess what? That is actually a ridiculously broad question, and I can be referring to anything. You really have no chance in guessing "what" is. As a matter of fact, I can just be thinking about a thought of something else, which is not even a concrete thing. Therefore, you really have no chance of guessing what "what" actually is. So I win. You lose.

Cannot tell, national security. As far as I care we are friends, therefore I cannot continue chatting with you for a while, its gonna seem pretty damn suspicious, I wont be repeating myself. Except again, do not worry, we will take care of this, and if not, I will contact you, you are not in any danger for the mean being, whoever are against us are looking for "Nero", not you, and I am pretty damn safe. By the way, I never lost an eye, but your "wiz" revealed himself by sharing that information, that part was the only ploy as far as I care, and it was necessary for everybody`s survival. Do not worry friend, I will call you sometime, but I recommend we stay off touch for at least 3 months, and that you stop using this site.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Astyanax mexicanus, a subspecies of Mexican tetra that lives in a subterranean habitat and as such has structurally degenerate eyes that have atrophied over the course of evolution.

What did the black man say to the jew and the blonde girl as they walked to the car. Shotgun.

There were 3 women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were driving with a gorilla when suddenly the car crashed. All the women died but only the gorilla survived. The police investigated with the gorilla and did some simple sign language. The police, using hand motions, asked the gorilla what each individual female was doing before the car crashed. The gorilla ran away for reasons unknown.

A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar, but they're wearing normal people clothes, so no one notices or says anything funny.

Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

An orphan walks into a bar. The bartender calls Child Protective Services and is given to a nice foster family.

When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

What did the blind man say when you asked hi his favorite color? Nothing he is death too

where was Billy during the bomb? Every where

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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