What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? A Ferrari was never alive.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

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a blond makes out with ron every sunday and she stops every time to remember that she put the cheese in the wrong compartment brick house cheese is sad!

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A fat kid walks into a school. RUN KIDS IT'S BOMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's one very bad way to injure yourself? Smashing your head against a metal surface

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL O LO LO L OL O LO L OL O LO LO L OL OL O LO LO L OL OL OL O LO L OL OL O L OL OLLOLOLLOL OL O LO LO L OL OL O

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Although this is a highly improbable scenario, one would assume that, being a chicken, it did not have much of an intuitive idea as to what to do while it was stray for whatever reason in an urbanized area. Considering chickens do not harbor nearly as much of a mental capacity as it would require to even comprehend the concept of a "road" and is impervious to the idea of oncoming traffic and such, the fact that it happened to be crossing the road was in fact not even recognized by the chicken. For this reasons I deem this question unanswerable.

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I had a lemon. hi.

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yay for the idiot that posted "whats white, sticky and yummy? milk". WTF dude? milk has never been sticky and good at the same time and its never going to be. infact, ive never known milk to be sticky, maybe after such a long period of being spoiled the milk becomes somewhat sticky, but your attempt at creating a perverted joke that wasnt in anyway funny or even close to being correct was so poor i feel the need to post this and hope you read it and decide returning to school would be beneficial to the rest of your life. I guarantee everyone who reads your post about milk being sticky is thinking something pretty similar to what i am.

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An old white lady falls on the ground in the middle of the night. Just then, two positively huge black men in hoodies walk up to her and she is frightened. But as it turned out, they just wanted to help her get on her feet, and called a taxi for her. When she had no money, they gladly paid her fare. This is because they're good people and not muggers

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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How did the little boy fall off his bycicle? Prior to this incident, a psychopathetic killer murdered his family. Therefore, to escape the killer, the boy got onto his bycicle in hopes of manuvering away from the threat. Since it was nighttime he did not notice the fault in the asphalt.( No ryhme intendid.) From flipping over his handlebars, he fell unconcious. Upon the killer spotting the boy, he sliced his head off and left the scene to not be spotted by police.

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What would you find if you shaved chuck norris's beard? A chin.

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What did the bi-polar girl do when she found our her ex-boyfriend was living with another woman? Nothing; she was happy for their new relationship and realized life changes and moves on, in addition to taking the daily appropriate amount of medical prescription as directed by her doctor.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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What is the difference between you and a brick? A brick gets laid.

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There once was a little girl called maddie who had a very earisponaceable daddy, she was taken from her bed and now she is dead and was raped by a Portuguese tranny

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why did the girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? A wheelchair

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What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" A few people laugh, but the horse, incapable of speech, does not. He is unfamiliar with this location and begins to panic. In his panic his leg is broken. He is put down shorty thereafter.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After a while, the bartender comes over to him and asks if he would like another beer. He says no and leaves.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? I ASKED YOU FIRST!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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