What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

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how do u make a plummer cry? Kill his children.... :)

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A farmer and his son were walking to the well to fetch some water. The farmer stops, turns to his son and is mauled to death by a lion because they were in Africa.

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I drive in driveways. I recite in recitals. I play in plays. I park on parkways. My greenhouse is green. And my boxing ring is round. Why does everyone think I'm weird??

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You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

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how may horses can you fit in a blender i can't remember what is red and goes 100KPH a horse in a blender

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why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get to chicken to have safe sex

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roses are red violets are blue some poems rhyme others don't.

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How do you get a slave to stop screaming from the rope he is hanging on? You stop messing around and you hang him already!

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What's brown and white all over? Chad butthole

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went to the top of the Empire State building to have a penis measuring contest. The Irishman had the longest penis.

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your mom is so ugly, when she throws a boomerang it doesn't come back

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Adam: knock knock!! Eve: who's there? Adam: don't be silly, just open the f*cking door!!

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"Why did the clown fall off the swing" "he was shot in the face"

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What do you call a magic owl? HOO-DINI!

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You know those people that learned the true name of God, as God asked kindly... ...Well you know God can be nice sometimes but he actually COMMANDED they keep his name secret forever? They became the first people known as Jehova`s witnesses... JEHOVAH<<< SECRET NAME ANYBODY? So much for keeping his secret name guys! They claim that only a few thousand humans will ascend to heaven, in other words all of the JEHOVA`s witnesses... All two billions of them or something... For keeping his name (Cough JEHOVAH) secret. SUCCESS!

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why did the man move away from me because he thought that i had crabs as pets

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What do you get with you crossbreed a lamp with a chicken? Nothing... You can't crossbreed an inanimate object with a living being.

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-funny? women have rights -funnier? civil rights

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A man watched his city burn. He was traumatized by the loss of his friends and family and went to therapy to recover.

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why did the guy get pulled over he had a broken tail light

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Why did the girl fall over? She was poisoned for being the fairest one of all.

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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What did the piano say to the ice cube? Dude, get back in the freezer or you are going to melt!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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